A Nation that Has Just Never Believed in Washing Hands

by  Fred Krumbein

Handwashers!   They feel like they have to wash their hands merely because they just wiped dung off their butt.   Yeah, that’s right, the OCD ones.   Or they have some sexual obsessive-compulsive disorder about having touched their privates.   Ah, the classic: they’re germophobes!

You’ve prob’ly heard most of these.   And if you want more, just go google “germophobe memes”.   Yeah, some of ’em are pretty funny; try to limit yourself to a couple of hours goin’ through ’em.   Or if you still haven’t gotten your fill, remember there’s the alternate spelling too: “germaphobe memes”.

And nowadays, having their germophobic ways foisted on all of us!

In every kind of food service business—grocery stores, restaurants, cafes, food preparation and distribution facilities, every single kind—there are signs in all the restrooms telling the people who work there that they have to wash their hands after they use the toilet.   It’s clearly well known that few Americans have any idea that they should wash their hands there, so they obviously have to be told every time, because it is just so unnatural to them.

A couple weeks ago, Duane Kuiper, an ex-big-league-ballplayer and popular baseball announcer for the SF Giants, appeared on a Northern California radio sportstalk show.   As is to be expected in these days, there was little talk of sports and much about the current state of events.

Kuiper grew up on a farm in Wisconsin, and he reminisced about having worked on it.   In particular, he made a couple of comments about his dad.

He mentioned how, if his dad were to see or hear the news stories about all the millions of gallons of milk being dumped out on the ground and going to waste, it would drive him crazy.   Yes, we can all relate.

He also pointed out that in all the years, he was sure that he and his brothers and sister never once saw his dad ever wash his hands.   Was he exaggerating, or kidding?   Knowing us Americans, we certainly think not.

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